Friday, July 22, 2011

Top Ten Lists

I've been going through some old emails. There was a period of time when I received at least one email a week that was a top ten list. My friends are so clever and witty; Kendall and Brad were the best writers. I chose a few that I wanted to share. They probably won't mean anything to you unless you were on the email list, but maybe you'll enjoy their writing.

Buddy vs Mama Turkey Round II and What Was REALLY Found Up My Nasal Passages
By Brad Packer

I wanted to share this one, but it was too long. If you were a recipient of it, go to your email and read it again. Too funny.

Top Ten Titles for the "Cabin Trip" Because Just Calling it "Cabin Trip" is a Bit Silly
By Kendall "I'msothereit'sinsane" Burdett

10. Dude, Where's My Keys? (self-explanatory)
9. Got Milk? (because for some reason the guys felt like they needed to bring a lot of milk...and by "guys" I mean "Mark and Kendall")
8. Saved by Snowmobiles
7. MintHotChocolateChickenPastaPancakes (mmmmm)
6. The Jigsaw Puzzle Challenge
5. Rocky VII
4. Eric's Adventures in Spandex
3. All Star Church Celebrity Extravaganza (I don't care what anybody says, Jack Bauer would make a great bishop.)
2. Beauties and the Beasts (awwwww...)
1. The Adventures of Bret Sawyer and Tyson Fujiberryfinn

Top Ten Rumors Floating Around the ByU 181st Ward (this week)
By No more teachers no more books Kendall "gotpriors" Burdett

OK...after much thought, research and deliberation, (meaning, the last ten minutes I spent in the bathroom...) and at the request of Dan Warcup...AND in honor of Sara Beth's recent departure...I've complied the latest Top Ten List...and here it goes:

10. Brad Packer is a millionaire.
9. Sara Beth is going to the Holy Land because she is actually being deported because she is actually a terrorist.
8. Dan Francom, Matt Tanner, and Mikey Z. have a TV so big it can be seen from space. (This is not can only see it from American Fork...ok, not true either. But it did used to be one of the big-screens in the football stadium.)
7. SOMEONE WHO SHALL REMAIN NAMELESS tried to light Amanda Hansen on fire. (That's probably a lot truer than it should be.)
6. Brittney Smith is black.
6a. Robyn is a hippie.
6b. Eric Chambers is a Peruvian national.
6d. Mark Bellisario is a Mexican.
6e. Brian McEwen is part primate.
6f. Phil is ALL primate.
5. Kendall can't get a passport because of outstanding warrants. (actually, it's because he can't get a certified copy of his birth certificate and that's because he was born before birth certificates. In addition to the outstanding warrants. For parking tickets.
4. Bishop Beck owns Utah. (...not true. He just own Alpine. And Madagascar.)
4a. Brother Mauer is a ninja.
4b. Brother Shepherd is really a shepherd.
4c. Edgar is still alive.
4d. Monica Simmons has an internship in San Francisco to be the Mayor...not with the Mayor's office...the be THE Mayor. That's right, Mayor Monica. (If I had a band, we'd be called MayorMonica. We'd play punk versions of showtunes. Tyson would be the lead singer...cause he knows all the words to all the showtunes.)
3. Carson sprinted up Mount Timp backwards. On his hands. (OK, not backwards...)
2. Dan Warcup and Jodi Wood are still in the ward.
...and the number one rumor in the BYU 181st ward...
1. Tyson Fujikawa is heterosexual. (OBVIOUSLY not true. Just ask him what color is hair is...{brown with red highlights})

And my absolute favorite Top Ten...

Top Ten Reasons to be a Grounds Crew Worker
By Brittney Smith

So, after much contemplation and not much production at work this morning, I have come to the conclusion that I would rather be a grounds worker than a Cougareat worker for the following reasons:

10. Fresh air
9. Sun (which ultimately leads to #8)
8. Tan (although, it would most definitely resemble that of a farmer)
7. Exercise/work-out
6. No junk food temptations in front of your face
5. Good music blaring from the truck
4. If you have to work with whack-jobs, then you aren't stuck standing next to them serving food the whole shift
3. You smell like flowers, not grease and garbage
2. You get to drive on the sidewalks
...and last, but not least...
1. It will always be funny when you quote the phrase: "Be a man, rub some dirt in it!"

I have some great friends. Their hilarity gets me no matter what kind of day/week it's been. Thanks, guys!

1 comment:

Amanda Ann Hansen said...

I love this, SB. Brings back some good memories. I still have a scar on my ankle from the time that Kendall tried to light me on fire.